Mother = Hostage Crisis Specialist

You know the scene.

Whether you are of the Hill Street Blues or CSI era, you know what I’m talking about:  crazed gunman holed up in a house, school or bank, hostage in possession, FBI agents surrounding the premises with a Hostage Crisis Specialist at the helm of the situation.  Every word is chosen carefully.  Every action, painstakingly planned and executed.  One wrong move, and the whole situation could blow to hell in a hand basket in 2.3 nanoseconds.

Me?  I personally know what it’s like to be a Hostage Crisis Specialist.  If keeping one’s cool amidst emotional, physical and verbal chaos, while pushing–gently, ever-so gently–toward the goal of extracting all criminals and hostages kids from the house before the whole scene blows to bits…is a job requirement for an FBI hostage crisis unit then I, for one, am an automatic shoe-in!

Take this morning, for example:  after five days’ worth of illness, our four-year-old son was unravelling at the seams from the moment his bleary little eyes wrenched themselves open this morning.  The whining, crying, moaning, protesting, whining, fighting, whining and dashing himself all over the floor escalated so quickly (and provoked the other two children in one way or another, to chime in) I had to don my proverbial SWAT Team jacket and move into tactical response mode.

At 0730 hours this morning, I made the call to the first the back-up team member–the mother with whom I share carpool driving duty–and requested she take over the morning drive to school while I coaxed the criminal my son out of the bathtub where he had been provokingly throwing foamy letters at his brother and sister .

As the clock ticked down, in MacGuyver-like fashion, I extracted two more kids from the bath, convinced the criminal my tantrum-throwing son to safely exit the danger zone and retreat to the kitchen for some breakfast, all the while diapering and dressing our kicking, squirming, protesting, two-year-old son and helping my daughter get ready for her day at kindergarten.  Did I mention, I didn’t even break a sweat?

Yep, life in a household of young kids feels like a romp in the FBI Special Services unit on any given day and, so far, I’ve managed to succceed in every hostage crisis situation I’ve fielded.

(Who’s the hostage in this scenario?  I don’t know…but I gotta tell ya’, it often feels like me.)

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7 Comments

Filed under family, From One Mother to Another, Kids

7 responses to “Mother = Hostage Crisis Specialist

  1. andrewhull

    My hero wife! I have a better definition for SWAT

    Sexy
    Wife
    All the
    Time

  2. Shelly

    OMG! Andrewhull that is so stupid but funny at the same time. Sounds to me like the mommy needs more of your help at home and (you) spending less time figuring out acronyms…..

  3. My wife can laugh about it becuase we get an enourmous amount of support from each other in so many ways (kids, laundry, groceries, career, marriage…the big and small stuff). I won’t extrapolate out how much help comes from me from one blog post 🙂

  4. Whoa, whoa whoa, Shelly…no slamming my husband! Andrew is an incredibly engaged, helpful husband and father who, quite frankly, raises the bar for other husbands/dads of his/our generation. It’s certainly not his fault that the majority of the chaos and mayhem happens after he’s left for work/before he gets home. Would I love it if he was around all day long to help with the crazy situations that seem to be a normal part of my day with young kids? You bet. But that would mean either a) I would be working full time and HE would be fielding the Hostage Crisis Situations on his own or, b) we’d both be home together and unable to pay our mortgage.

  5. Shelly

    I thought we all stopped paying our mortgages! At least thats what they say has happened on CNN. PS.. No slam intended Andrew. Just thought the Sexy wife thing was funny and K. sounded overwhelmed.

  6. Hi Kimmelin!

    I am finally feeling like my life is back post-conference. I really enjoyed meeting you.

    I wish I could tell you that only parents of young children are held hostage, but having teens is no different. Yesterday I was held hostage to the championship lacrosse game of our 13 year old, played 45 minutes away in the middle of the day. Total time captive- 4.5 hours and they lost 11-1. My Better Half was held hostage by our 16 year old last night. He had the pick-up part of our son’s evening. My hubby arrived at the concert venue at 11 p.m. and was held hostage as my son and his friend waited in line to get the bands’ autographs for an hour.

    Today I am free of child related obligations, but have many around the house and I have to take the puppy to his “school” at Petsmart.

    Great post!

  7. Hi Dawn!

    It’s great to see you here! Somehow, I had a feeling the whole hostage crisis thing wouldn’t end anytime soon. Oh well…one can always dream, right?
    K.

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